sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you would pick up someone in the library
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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