Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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