I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
