mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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