sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
