there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
