I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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