Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
