my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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