An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
MIDGETS
????
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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