no, he came in my armpit
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
