and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
