whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
