eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There r osticjed everywhere
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
