you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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