question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
3 2 1 whiskey
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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