Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
