I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
50% drunk capacity currently
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
