just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
