Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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