dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
