this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
