So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
