I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
