You just made me feel so damn special
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
