My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
love makes seman taste better
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
