I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
