i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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