wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
