i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
