Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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