her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
