hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
