Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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