I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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