My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The air taste purple.
Randomize
