Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
