You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
