I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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