It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
