yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
