So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
