Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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