One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
