Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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