So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize