Plan B is the new Plan A
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
