I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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