i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
