We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My vagina is officially offended.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
