Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
