i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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