I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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