I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
