I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
