What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
