Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize