he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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