Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
