God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
