she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
