dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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