How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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