Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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