I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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