erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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