i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
