There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
