ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
