oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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