You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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